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As a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again.

Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.

Each individual's intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet someone offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist focusing on addressing intimacy issues.